In memory of a loving friend and trusting companion

The grieving process is organic. Even years after losing a much loved companion animal, you might find your heartstrings tugged and heavy at moments. You might see a dog that looked just like yours at the park, a happy memory of something you used to do together. In times like this, it is healthy to acknowledge whatever feelings that might come up for you. Share it with a friend, or your current four-legged friend in your life. Then turn around and do something in honor of your much loved friend. Today, I was inspired to create a new series of pet sympathy cards for a compassionate care program we are launching with Veterinary Offices this Spring. Allowing the creative juices to flow warmed my heart. It was a gentle reminder of the love we shared.  I will leave you with my of my favorite quote today. "Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends leave footprints in your heart." -Eleanor Roosevelt-

Events that trigger grief-ways to cope

Grief is not linear. It can strike when you least expect it. It can occur months, or even years after the passing of a beloved pet, person or event. Major change in one's life like moving, loss of a job, divorce, loss of a relationship constitutes loss. Grief excludes no one, even grief counselors.

Today, I find myself going over some of the lessons I teach others for myself. Grief is a form of releasing attachment. The attachment to the memories of the person, pet or event.

Tools like journaling, mediating, writing can help . Today, I am taking time out to give grief a voice so I can move through it and not let it weigh me down. My grief is not a new wound. It is several years old.  I've worked my process around the grief for my mother. Even so, I find moments that suddenly open my container of sadness.

This morning, I searched my freezer for some chinese herbs to heal my cold. A brown paper package with the cold formula had a date written on it. It was written in my mother's handwriting, a few months before her death.

I find that writing helps me to gain clarity when my mind is feeling foggy, especially today, when I am fighting a cold at the same time.  As the words come tumbling out onto the paper, thoughts and feelings are released versus staying tight inside my throat. I write about the things that are disturbing my peace, emotions, worries that unfounded, inner dialogues about the next path to take.
Sometimes, I dialogue with my inner counselor, the wise one that resides in a place of calm and peace when while the external world swirls. When I close my eyes and sit quietly, she comes forward.

Here are some things you can do to move through moments of grief

-find a quiet place to sit with your feelings
-take some time out to be in the feeling if you can (if you are angry, allow yourself to be)
-cry, punch a pillow, scream out loud, to release any emotions you might be holding onto
-write about the memory that triggered the loss
-write about any fears that might come up (fear of abandonment)
-reach out and call a friend who supports you unconditionally
-tell your friend you need someone to listen without responding, without need to change or fix
-practice acceptance
-practice surrendering what we cannot change

Things not to do
-be hard on yourself
-beat yourself up for what you thought could have, should have been different
-withhold love from yourself and others

The bittersweet herbs reminded me of my mother today. It is also a reminder of how my mother's death helped me move deeper into my grief work. I am grateful for this reminder. Bittersweet.

Explaining death to a 3 year old

This morning, our 17 year old rat terrier did not want to eat her breakfast. A home cooked meal of brown rice, ground beef and broccoli goodness. Casey has been spending more and more time sleeping in her crate, her favorite spot in the house--the warm kitchen. Our daily walks have been getting shorter and shorter. In human years, she is 119.

My daughter, a spirited 3 year old toddler that she is, wanted to chase her "sister" down for a hug. Casey wanted none of it. How do you explain to a 3 year old her "sister" is at the tail end of her golden years? Kayman loves her "sisters". We've talked about death in general terms, as both of her grandmothers died before she was born. We've chatted about dead snails and slugs we've seen on sidewalks after a rainstorm. We've never had the opportunity to discuss it as it is happening, until now.

As I am putting finishing touches on a new workbook for parents to explain pet loss to their kids, I realize I will get to be my own focus/test group by using it with my daughter Kayman.

Below are some of the things I will be discussing with Kayman.
-Write down what are some of Casey's favorite things to do, foods to eat, funny expressions of love.
-Draw pictures of Casey with her family.
-Write down "feelings" Kayman has around death.
-Explain what happens when an animal dies. They stop breathing. Their fur/coat is cold. They look like they are asleep but they are not going to wake up this time.
-Plan a good bye part for Casey.

I feel the gifts and the blessings of being able to share this with Kayman. And the gifts of this upcoming book with all of you.

Hopes and dreams in grief

In our darkest hours, dreams and hopes may be the farthest things from our minds. Yet, they can also serve as our heartstrings, our conduit in journeying through our grief to the other side. Hope is the wheel of momentum that keeps us moving forward. Dreams are what we hold close to our hearts.

Just for today, can you allow yourself to feel whatever you may be feeling, sadness, depression, heartache, loneliness, AND have hope in your heart that this WILL pass. It WILL pass with the work you are committed to doing in moving through the grief. By sharing your thoughts, talking and reaching out to loved ones for support, writing down feelings and emotions, getting it out and through you so that it does not weigh you down like a lead weight/sinker at the end of a fishing line and BECOME you, these positive action steps brings you closer to hopefulness.