What to do with ash remains and clay pawprints?

Casey's remains came back this week. A big shout out to Carol and Tracy over at Very Important Pet Mortuary . Her ashes arrived in a nice brocade urn, along with a pawprint and some of her fur clippings. The care, thoughtfulness they put into commemorating the life of a beloved fur family member is truly heartfelt. For anyone living in the Los Angeles area, I cannot speak highly of them. Here is a layout of the return of Casey Chew.

For most pet parents, this can be a very traumatic time in the grief journey. Something about seeing the ashes along with the lockets of hair together with the clay imprint brings finality to the loss. Even though I have held services, gone to viewings and cremations of clients past, I couldn't help but think to myself this morning, "wow, this is what is left of her little physical body, what would Casey like me to do with her?" In the past, I may have considered a burial at sea.

This Spring, I attended the PLPA 2nd annual conference and met up with an eco friendly urn manufacturer called Let Your Love Grow. For many years now, there is a misconception that natural cremation when mixed with the earth, return naturally to the ground. Did you know that the ashes are inert and do not naturally break down? The folks at Let Your Love Grow has created an amazing planting medium that when combined with the remains, will use the phosphorus and calcium in the remains to work magic with mother nature.
This is lovely and fitting for Ms. Casey, who loved to be in the great outdoors with her sister Lulu.

If you have lost a beloved animal family member, did you bury, cremate or? What stories do you have to share? Stay tuned next week for what happens with the clippings and clay imprint.

Events that trigger grief-ways to cope

Grief is not linear. It can strike when you least expect it. It can occur months, or even years after the passing of a beloved pet, person or event. Major change in one's life like moving, loss of a job, divorce, loss of a relationship constitutes loss. Grief excludes no one, even grief counselors.

Today, I find myself going over some of the lessons I teach others for myself. Grief is a form of releasing attachment. The attachment to the memories of the person, pet or event.

Tools like journaling, mediating, writing can help . Today, I am taking time out to give grief a voice so I can move through it and not let it weigh me down. My grief is not a new wound. It is several years old.  I've worked my process around the grief for my mother. Even so, I find moments that suddenly open my container of sadness.

This morning, I searched my freezer for some chinese herbs to heal my cold. A brown paper package with the cold formula had a date written on it. It was written in my mother's handwriting, a few months before her death.

I find that writing helps me to gain clarity when my mind is feeling foggy, especially today, when I am fighting a cold at the same time.  As the words come tumbling out onto the paper, thoughts and feelings are released versus staying tight inside my throat. I write about the things that are disturbing my peace, emotions, worries that unfounded, inner dialogues about the next path to take.
Sometimes, I dialogue with my inner counselor, the wise one that resides in a place of calm and peace when while the external world swirls. When I close my eyes and sit quietly, she comes forward.

Here are some things you can do to move through moments of grief

-find a quiet place to sit with your feelings
-take some time out to be in the feeling if you can (if you are angry, allow yourself to be)
-cry, punch a pillow, scream out loud, to release any emotions you might be holding onto
-write about the memory that triggered the loss
-write about any fears that might come up (fear of abandonment)
-reach out and call a friend who supports you unconditionally
-tell your friend you need someone to listen without responding, without need to change or fix
-practice acceptance
-practice surrendering what we cannot change

Things not to do
-be hard on yourself
-beat yourself up for what you thought could have, should have been different
-withhold love from yourself and others

The bittersweet herbs reminded me of my mother today. It is also a reminder of how my mother's death helped me move deeper into my grief work. I am grateful for this reminder. Bittersweet.

Setting pet loss and grief standards

Today, there are over 750 pet funeral homes, pet crematories and pet cemeteries across the nation — and a lot of human funeral homes have or are now offering pet cremation and services as part of their business. As a pet loss expert, I was proud to be among these pioneers the past 2 days at the second annual Pet Loss Professional Alliance Conference in Las Vegas.  The group met to set and maintain standards for services related to pet deaths, such as funerals, memorials, cremations and burials. 


While business goals and marketing efforts were discussed, there were also panels for compassion fatigue and pet loss.  It is great to have a confirmation that I too was on the right path. I look forward in taking all that I've learned at the conference and putting it into practice when I return. A perfect opportunity in combining a previous career in the design world with my current grief coaching practice to create interactive tools for vet techs and rescue teams will be part of Luxepet's 2011 efforts.  


For now, more visioning and thinking as I get ready to come home. Next stop, Venice CA to give hugs to my furry family.