Why I am not sugarcoating my loss

As a grief coach, I try to keep my personal life and professional life separate. A few weeks ago, the 2 intersected when I experienced a miscarriage. I have come through the other side and decided to write about it to help others.  In this post, you will find practical and healing tips for navigation through loss.

http://clairegillenson.com/why-i-am-not-sugarcoating-my-loss/

Capturing the memories of your pet with a painted pet portrait

There are framed photos of my beloved four-legged family dotting the walls in my home. Each one reminds me of different kodak moments we have shared. The other day, I had the wonderful experience of connecting with Karen Vaisman, who shared with me another way to cherish, celebrate, and commemorate a much loved pet. Karen's artistic expertise magically transforms a photo of your beloved pet into a magnificent painting. I have a special wall in the kitchen filled with keepsakes from Casey and Sophie that would be a perfect spot for this memorial keepsake.

Established in 1990, Karen's Photography Studio has been serving families in the Conejo Valley capturing memories that are treasured. Her love of children, the important bonds of family and her joy of pet photography is evident in her work. She specializes in unique art pieces, large wall portraits, canvases and custom designed albums. Give her a ring and order your holiday portraits today:)

Even in pain, there can be joy--a tale of two arms

My arm ached this morning when I woke up. Titanium rod, metal ball and socket, cadaver calve tissue binding the clavicle, minus bicep, triceps and deltoid. My journey with cancer 24 years ago severely limited mobility in my right arm. Over the years, I learned to adapt using one arm. Learning the art of removing plates stacked in the cupboard, asking for help with changing lightbulbs, doing one armed downward dogs during yoga. My left arm helps out where the right one can't.

Most recently, Kayman asked me for an "airplane ride". She loves to be lifted into the air. I remember seeing parents with babies at the park a few years back. Lifting them up in the air, and feeling a longing to do the same. As much as I wanted to do this, I never will be able to.
The other night, my heart sank for a few seconds when she asked. Then I shifted and told her to ask Michael for a "ride". Below are some pix of the next 2 minutes that made my heart sing.
Since I couldn't do it for myself, I gave myself some love and acceptance and asked for help.

When life hands you lemons, you CAN make lemonade. Instead of being angry, bitter about the things I can no longer do with my right arm, I try to be in a state of gratitude and acceptance. Grateful that I have my right hand from which I am typing out this blog. Acceptance by looking at physical challenges one at a time, so that I do not overwhelm myself with all of the things I can no longer do. I focus on what I CAN do, taking action steps to move forward. I can't give Kayman an airplane ride, but I love giving her the biggest hugs every moment I can.

I love this quote by Joseph Campbell:
"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."

So today, I leave you with this. Wherever you are in your life right now, find one thing joyful to celebrate. If you are struggling with life transitions as a result of events in your own life, know that you are never alone and you don't need to go it alone.

Why returning Casey Chew's remains back to mother earth is a good thing

I have been staring at Casey Chew's remains for some time. She sat in a brocade box on my altar where I began most morning chanting. It has been 2 months since her transition. I have been resistant with anything that anything to do with it. In my email inbox sat the digital photo proofs from her farewell party, amazing photos from Bark Photography that made my hearts sing every time I peek at them. All I had to do was pick out my favorites to be retouched. And yet, I couldn't pick them out.

Some says timing is everything. It's been a a few weeks since our newest family member Shanti made her way into our hearts via Santa Monica Shelter. We did not plan her arrival. I saw her and fell in love. There were 3 other families ahead of us on the waiting list. Yet that morning, no one else showed up. This was about the same time I shipped off the first order from our 28 days of Grief and Healing via Amazon.com, a project dedicated to my first dog Sophie thinking and thinking about Casey as I headed off to UPS.

This was also about the same time I planted the first of our fall veggies in the organic garden out front where Casey liked to play. It is also now where Shanti likes to play and explore.


Timing is everything. During the animal communicator's reading I had right before her transition, Casey shared that she was ready to transition, knowing Michael was there to support me gave her comfort. A few weeks later, Michael and I decided to get married and eloped. How could she have known?

So yesterday, with Shanti at my feet, it felt fitting to return Casey back to Mother Earth. And to complete a cycle of completion

Why the veggie garden you ask?

-Casey ate home cooked meals, with veggies from the garden she loved
-She loved to play and sunbathe in the front yard
-She loved the smell of rosemary and lavender (hence the choice of a lavender bush for her)
-It is where she spent her last day, in the front garden surrounded by her closest friends and family
-It is where I have many fond memories of us together, none of them involves being boxed up.

Thanks to the amazing friends at Let your love grow, I returned Casey to mother earth yesterday, in the garden, commemorating one of her favorite spots to sniff with a lavender bush.

Our lovely organic garden

Casey's remains and Let your love grow planting medium.

Mix remains with plan medium (1 cup cremains, with medium plant container. Mix)

You can line the container with a liner or mix medium right into the ground.
I decided to put her back into mother earth, straight up.

Then, simply add plant and water with lots of love.
This was a loving way for me to memorialize Casey, in completing the cycle of life and death, and also to know that her spirit and soul will continue to grow and be with us!


If this was interesting for you, please sign up on Clairechew.com to receive more timely information relating to grief and loss. Or leave a comment about what you have done with your pet's cremains. Lots of love and light until next time. Btw- I also finished editing the photos from Casey's farewell party---just in time for the Healing from Pet Loss through Art Workshop I will be holding October 9th, 2011. An afternoon of sharing, scrapbooking pages for Casey's album. I hope to see you there!

Grieving and breath work

In moments of darkness, try bringing the mind to breath will calm one's life. This morning, I practiced some simple breath work with a client experiencing anxiety and upset and it reminded me how our body temple is a truly amazing tool to re-balance our emotional states. Try this for a few minutes whenever you are stressed or find yourself having a "moment".


4x4 pranayama purifying breath to de-stress exercise.(A thank you to a dear friendCat Williford's post for reminding me of this exercise.) This helps bring your mind to your breath, back to focusing on you and not the things that's come unglued in your daily life.

Step 1: Sit with a straight spine or lie down.
Step 2: Inhale to a slow count of 4.
Step 3: Hold your breath for a slow count of four.
Step 4: Exhale to a slow count of 4.
Step 5: Rest with no breath for a count of 4.
Repeat twice more.

This one taken from Dying into Life, The yoga of Death Loss and Transformation.
Left nostril breathing is a calming breath. This is something you can do when you are feeling tense, upset or nervous. This will also help if you are having trouble sleeping.

Sit with a straight spine or lie down.
Take your right thumb and block your right nostril.
Inhale deeply through the left nostril for a slow count of 4.
Exhale equally slow for a count of 4.
Continue for 1-3 minutes.
For the last set,
Inhale deeply through the left nostril for a slow count of 4.
Hold your breath for a slow count of four.
Exhale equally slow for a count of 4.

What to do with ash remains and clay pawprints?

Casey's remains came back this week. A big shout out to Carol and Tracy over at Very Important Pet Mortuary . Her ashes arrived in a nice brocade urn, along with a pawprint and some of her fur clippings. The care, thoughtfulness they put into commemorating the life of a beloved fur family member is truly heartfelt. For anyone living in the Los Angeles area, I cannot speak highly of them. Here is a layout of the return of Casey Chew.

For most pet parents, this can be a very traumatic time in the grief journey. Something about seeing the ashes along with the lockets of hair together with the clay imprint brings finality to the loss. Even though I have held services, gone to viewings and cremations of clients past, I couldn't help but think to myself this morning, "wow, this is what is left of her little physical body, what would Casey like me to do with her?" In the past, I may have considered a burial at sea.

This Spring, I attended the PLPA 2nd annual conference and met up with an eco friendly urn manufacturer called Let Your Love Grow. For many years now, there is a misconception that natural cremation when mixed with the earth, return naturally to the ground. Did you know that the ashes are inert and do not naturally break down? The folks at Let Your Love Grow has created an amazing planting medium that when combined with the remains, will use the phosphorus and calcium in the remains to work magic with mother nature.
This is lovely and fitting for Ms. Casey, who loved to be in the great outdoors with her sister Lulu.

If you have lost a beloved animal family member, did you bury, cremate or? What stories do you have to share? Stay tuned next week for what happens with the clippings and clay imprint.

Euthanasia--When is the right time?

Monday Evening: I was wrapping up work for the evening. Casey walked over and stood facing me, as if wanting to talk. Engrossed with an email, I kept typing and she walked away, only to circle back several times. Those huge eyes staring at me. I heard a voice inside my head go, It's time.
But it can't be yet. The vet had said a few more months.

Tuesday evening: We were watching TV and Michael called out to Casey. Very social, she loved to come snuggle next to us. That night, she looked at us with solemn eyes from her spot across the sectional and remained seated.It was so unlike her. My heart sank just a bit deeper. And again, the voice said, it's time. Michael looked at me and both of us at the same time knew.

Wednesday morning: As I was giving Casey her saline injections, she turned around and gave me this look, like REALLY?

Friday: Calls to the Vet, calls to the animal communicator, calls to the pet mortuary. Details, hugs, and more details.

Kayman was not going to be home until Sunday night to say goodbye. Casey and I had a talk. Intuitive coach said it was going to be a close call. I prayed alot this weekend.

Sunday: To an outsider, she looked like a pup who had a good long life. 17 beloved years. With patches of gray fur, she still loved to play with her 2 legged and 4 legged sisters. She slept most of the day and her appetite was light, yet the bigness of her spirit was still bright. At her good bye party, many commented on how much energy she had in her. We shared stories about her bright light, love of life, her sweet disposition, quirkiness. People came and went. Casey was happy. And exhausted.

Monday: We were surprised to witness Casey's decline from the day before. Today, she did not want to come out of the kennel. Kayman gave her sister one last squeeze before heading to pre-school. Kayman understood it was time and that Casey was dying. The pet doctor was coming to give her a shot to help her transition.

Casey asked me to help spread the message to all pet lovers out there. To use her as an example of a pup who was loved and is ready to go. Please share this video with all pet lovers you know.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S TIME?

TRUST---TRUST YOUR INTUITION---OPEN YOUR HEART---LEAN INTO THE PAIN----MAKE YOUR DECISIONS ON THEIR BEHALF----PUT YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL NEEDS SECOND IF YOU CAN.

With gratitude,
claire & casey

Remembering Casey Chew: 1994-2011 You will be missed.