Why returning Casey Chew's remains back to mother earth is a good thing

I have been staring at Casey Chew's remains for some time. She sat in a brocade box on my altar where I began most morning chanting. It has been 2 months since her transition. I have been resistant with anything that anything to do with it. In my email inbox sat the digital photo proofs from her farewell party, amazing photos from Bark Photography that made my hearts sing every time I peek at them. All I had to do was pick out my favorites to be retouched. And yet, I couldn't pick them out.

Some says timing is everything. It's been a a few weeks since our newest family member Shanti made her way into our hearts via Santa Monica Shelter. We did not plan her arrival. I saw her and fell in love. There were 3 other families ahead of us on the waiting list. Yet that morning, no one else showed up. This was about the same time I shipped off the first order from our 28 days of Grief and Healing via Amazon.com, a project dedicated to my first dog Sophie thinking and thinking about Casey as I headed off to UPS.

This was also about the same time I planted the first of our fall veggies in the organic garden out front where Casey liked to play. It is also now where Shanti likes to play and explore.


Timing is everything. During the animal communicator's reading I had right before her transition, Casey shared that she was ready to transition, knowing Michael was there to support me gave her comfort. A few weeks later, Michael and I decided to get married and eloped. How could she have known?

So yesterday, with Shanti at my feet, it felt fitting to return Casey back to Mother Earth. And to complete a cycle of completion

Why the veggie garden you ask?

-Casey ate home cooked meals, with veggies from the garden she loved
-She loved to play and sunbathe in the front yard
-She loved the smell of rosemary and lavender (hence the choice of a lavender bush for her)
-It is where she spent her last day, in the front garden surrounded by her closest friends and family
-It is where I have many fond memories of us together, none of them involves being boxed up.

Thanks to the amazing friends at Let your love grow, I returned Casey to mother earth yesterday, in the garden, commemorating one of her favorite spots to sniff with a lavender bush.

Our lovely organic garden

Casey's remains and Let your love grow planting medium.

Mix remains with plan medium (1 cup cremains, with medium plant container. Mix)

You can line the container with a liner or mix medium right into the ground.
I decided to put her back into mother earth, straight up.

Then, simply add plant and water with lots of love.
This was a loving way for me to memorialize Casey, in completing the cycle of life and death, and also to know that her spirit and soul will continue to grow and be with us!


If this was interesting for you, please sign up on Clairechew.com to receive more timely information relating to grief and loss. Or leave a comment about what you have done with your pet's cremains. Lots of love and light until next time. Btw- I also finished editing the photos from Casey's farewell party---just in time for the Healing from Pet Loss through Art Workshop I will be holding October 9th, 2011. An afternoon of sharing, scrapbooking pages for Casey's album. I hope to see you there!

Euthanasia--When is the right time?

Monday Evening: I was wrapping up work for the evening. Casey walked over and stood facing me, as if wanting to talk. Engrossed with an email, I kept typing and she walked away, only to circle back several times. Those huge eyes staring at me. I heard a voice inside my head go, It's time.
But it can't be yet. The vet had said a few more months.

Tuesday evening: We were watching TV and Michael called out to Casey. Very social, she loved to come snuggle next to us. That night, she looked at us with solemn eyes from her spot across the sectional and remained seated.It was so unlike her. My heart sank just a bit deeper. And again, the voice said, it's time. Michael looked at me and both of us at the same time knew.

Wednesday morning: As I was giving Casey her saline injections, she turned around and gave me this look, like REALLY?

Friday: Calls to the Vet, calls to the animal communicator, calls to the pet mortuary. Details, hugs, and more details.

Kayman was not going to be home until Sunday night to say goodbye. Casey and I had a talk. Intuitive coach said it was going to be a close call. I prayed alot this weekend.

Sunday: To an outsider, she looked like a pup who had a good long life. 17 beloved years. With patches of gray fur, she still loved to play with her 2 legged and 4 legged sisters. She slept most of the day and her appetite was light, yet the bigness of her spirit was still bright. At her good bye party, many commented on how much energy she had in her. We shared stories about her bright light, love of life, her sweet disposition, quirkiness. People came and went. Casey was happy. And exhausted.

Monday: We were surprised to witness Casey's decline from the day before. Today, she did not want to come out of the kennel. Kayman gave her sister one last squeeze before heading to pre-school. Kayman understood it was time and that Casey was dying. The pet doctor was coming to give her a shot to help her transition.

Casey asked me to help spread the message to all pet lovers out there. To use her as an example of a pup who was loved and is ready to go. Please share this video with all pet lovers you know.

HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S TIME?

TRUST---TRUST YOUR INTUITION---OPEN YOUR HEART---LEAN INTO THE PAIN----MAKE YOUR DECISIONS ON THEIR BEHALF----PUT YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL NEEDS SECOND IF YOU CAN.

With gratitude,
claire & casey

Remembering Casey Chew: 1994-2011 You will be missed.

The heart of the matter

Woke up asking myself this morning, how can I serve more deeply, more authentically in the work I am called to do. Last week, I spoke to a potential client who had just received the ashes of her beloved dog back from the vet. We set up an appointment to meet and she called back to share that she was not in a financial place to give herself the support she needed and would call me the following week. I get calls like this weekly, from people who are in pain and need help, and yet can not afford my service. The week before, it was from someone who had gone through a miscarriage alone. I woke up to inspired action...how can I be of service from a space where I can more people, vs. a one on one coach/client model. I came upon this video of the last days with Oden, about a man saying goodbye to his beloved family member. It reminded of WHY I do what I do. Now, how to effect change in a different way, to get to the heart of the matter, to focus on the healing, loving to each grieving pet owner so they are not alone in their pain. It is what all of our furry friends would want. Their whole job is to love us. And it my job to figure out how to create a container for us to continue experiencing that love, after they are gone.

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

Rituals when mourning loss of a pet

When we experience loss, rituals and routines we’ve enjoyed with an animal companion are also lost. It can be easy to feel lonely and isolated. One of the ways we begin to heal is by creating new habits and patterns to integrate into a new way of being. This mental shift of releasing the old makes way for new beginnings. This does not mean the memories are forgotten. Merely, we are letting go of what is no longer in the physical realm. We are freeing ourselves from the attachment to the memories. We are choosing to not stay rooted in the past. The memories will forever be in our hearts. We can honor those memories in the stories we share with others, and the touchstones we create through rituals like lighting a pet memorial candle. This affirms our beloved pet will always be with us on our journeys.

Suggestions for times to light the candle:
-After waking up
-What would have been feeding time
-What would have been walking time
-After returning home from work
-Snuggle time at night
-When you are missing your beloved pet
-When you are reminded by a story or a memory

I need your help.

On most days, I blog about experiences around pet loss, grief and loss, miscarriage loss, providing what I hope is helpful loss advice.

Well...today, I am feeling a bit different. It's been a few weeks since I blogged. I want to pull back the curtain a little bit and share something more personal.
Here goes.

I was out recently at dinner with a dear friend, and we were catching up on things. I had recently celebrated a birthday, turning 43, I found myself having BIG shifts in consciousness about how I want to continue grief and loss coaching. The past 2 months held big dates for me. April was the anniversary of my dog's transition, my mother's suicide. May marked the end of my marriage. These markers were a gift to let go some more.

Maybe it's the reminder of my 3.5 year old toddler talking about the upcoming transition of our beloved 17 year old Casey. Maybe it's learning about a friend's relapse with cancer that jogged life's preciousness. Maybe it is the shared experience with a friend who's father passed away this week, and holding her hand as she went through it. Maybe, who knows right?

Anyhow, the important part, is I am here. And I have been listening to what my clients have saying the past few years about loss. "I wished I knew about you when this was happening..."

And I wanted to shout out...I wished I knew you then too! I could have help make that experience a more peaceful and loving one.

It has made me think about revamping the way I do business based on what YOU have told me you need.

But, in order to do that, I realize I can't do it alone.
I have been holding back on asking, because I was nervous about sharing more of myself from this deep place of knowing, holding the vision and....

The truth is, I am going to need your help.

At conferences, networking events, cocktail parties, parties, playgroups, I met many of you who shared your loss experience. I listened. I compiled notes. I hibernated this last month to create.

Now, I think I am ready to share it. But I need your help to do it.
I will be back with more details in a few days about this from grief to love program.

Meanwhile, I would LOVE your input. Can you share with me a situation where you found yourself grieving, having to make a life changing decision (like when it is time to say goodbye to a dear pet), or going through the thick of it with a divorce, where you could have really used some support?

In service,
Claire

In memory of a loving friend and trusting companion

The grieving process is organic. Even years after losing a much loved companion animal, you might find your heartstrings tugged and heavy at moments. You might see a dog that looked just like yours at the park, a happy memory of something you used to do together. In times like this, it is healthy to acknowledge whatever feelings that might come up for you. Share it with a friend, or your current four-legged friend in your life. Then turn around and do something in honor of your much loved friend. Today, I was inspired to create a new series of pet sympathy cards for a compassionate care program we are launching with Veterinary Offices this Spring. Allowing the creative juices to flow warmed my heart. It was a gentle reminder of the love we shared.  I will leave you with my of my favorite quote today. "Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends leave footprints in your heart." -Eleanor Roosevelt-

How to speak to a toddler about euthanasia and pet loss

A referral came in yesterday about pet loss and children. A mom emailed, sharing their 17 year old cat was ready to transition. She wasn't sure if she should tell her 3 1/2 year old daughter, what to tell her etc. For some of us life long pet lovers, the first time we dealt with "death" was as a child. I cannot overemphasize the importance of honesty.  It can lay the foundation for how we deal with loss the rest of our lives.  (Bury our feelings, get another pet, grief alone, etc).


Our pets are more than a member of our family, and this is one of the hardest choices we have to make on behalf of our furry family member who cannot speak.


So what do we say? 
Honesty is the best policy. Don't make up answers in an effort to make your child feel better. 
My mother passed away 4 years ago. My daughter knows that both her grandmothers are dead. They were sick (truth). She asks me where they went.  I told her that we don’t really know where one goes when we die (literally, religious beliefs aside). 


Below are some additional tips and pointers.

Spend some time describing what “death” is for an animal companion. He is sick, he will stop breathing, he won’t be able to play with your child anymore. His body will be still, his fur will be cold. You may want to have this discussion with your child before the euthanasia process. Explain in simple terms what Euthanasia is if your child is older. Also at this time, review some happy memories about your beloved animal companion. Be open to discussing feelings your child might have. Ask your child how he/she feels, sad, mad, etc. ask if he/she wants to share anything with your beloved pet (a story, a stuffed animal, draw a picture).  

Don’t use the term your pet "went to sleep" in connection with death, or your child may develop a fear of going to sleep because he/she is afraid that, like your pet, they won't wake up. Consider finding an alternative phrase than saying that the pet was so sick it went to sleep or went to heaven, your child may fear that this may happen to her if he/she becomes sick or injured. Your child may also fear that if this could happen to the family pet it could also happen to someone else in the family, like Mommy or Daddy.

Consider making a pawprint or clipping some hair to have as a keepsake. Create some rituals after the euthanasia to bond with your family. Go to the library and check out children’s book dealing with pet loss. I also have written one called My Heart Remembers My Pet that is available as a pdf.

Be sure to be gentle with yourself too. As parents, in making sure our kids are fine, our own sorrows sometimes takes a back seat.  Kids are transparent. Like sponges, their open hearts can handle honesty. Allow your heart to be too. Sharing your feelings with your child will bring additional comfort. 

Grief, letting go and anniversaries

I am on day 3 of a 30 day meditation practice for grief and loss. Initially, I decided to partake in this journey to walk the talk, not only be able to facilitate this meditation but experience it. What I've come to realize, is what a huge gift this is for me. To become a student for 30 days.  I am exploring releasing work and relationships are no longer working for me. To make room for next steps in my practice, in my community. I am reminded that time is precious. I am reminded of why I am here and the work I am doing is so important... and how much I love it!

For me, April is a big month with many anniversaries.  On 04.13, Sophie, the inspiration behind Luxepets crossed over to rainbow bridge from liver cancer. On 4.21, I found out I was pregnant, 04.25. my mother passed away unexpectedly. And tucked in there in between it all is my birthday.

Today, I miss my mom. I miss Sophie. I lean into my grief.  I give myself some of the support, love, comfort I lend to others. The pain is there, and not there. Sometimes it comes as quickly as it goes. Last night, I was scanning in old photos for an upcoming launch on compassion fatigue I will be teaching. Tears came forward as I walked down memory lane with the photos, each telling a story. Laughter followed close second as I came upon silly ones of Sophie, and with her big grin.

To animal parents who are caregivers for senior pets, animal rescue volunteers who give selflessly of themselves, vet techs, vets, anyone who has experienced grief and loss....practice loving kindness and compassion with yourself today. Give yourself a big hug and acknowledgement for all that you do.
If you are grieving, let thoughts and feelings surface and allow them to pass through without judging.  Do something that will make you feel better. For me, I will light a memorial candle for Sophie today.

Sophie Chew 1994-2003 

A Pet's 10 commandments

For all animal caregivers young and old....


1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years… Any separation from you is likely to be painful. 2. Give me time to understand what you want of me. 3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being. 4. Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you. 5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me. 6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it. 7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you. 8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak. 9. Please take care of me when I grow old – remember, you too, will grow old. 10. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me, please Never say you can’t bear to watch. Don’t make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so. -Anonymous


Re-posted from:http://sphericalrectangles.tumblr.com/post/2915896936/im-not-weeping-nope

Introducing our 5 day pet memorial candle

Sophie, the inspiration behind my products company Luxepets would be proud of us this week. March has been an exciting month for us, in between recording our 28 days of grief and healing Pet Loss audiobook, to launching 3 new products. In partnership with Morris Animal Foundation, we are excited to introduce the 5 day pet memorial candle, a caring and thought gift for the grieving pet owner.  Made from all natural vegetable wax and a cotton wick, place this candle in a special location and light for 5 days in honor of a beloved animal companion. Part of proceed from every purchase goes towards helping animals enjoy longer, healthier lives by advancing health and welfare for companion animals, horses and wildlife worldwide. 


In a few hours, I will be boarding a plane and heading to Vegas for the Pet Loss Professionals Alliance Conference. We will bring the candle and our pet loss services to share with funeral directors, pet crematories and other pet loss related professionals. But for now, we would like to first share this special candle with you.


Have you lost a beloved pet?
Know a grieving friend who could use some extra love? 


10% of all sales this weekend will go to Morris Animal Foundation.


Blessings,
Claire

Explaining death to a 3 year old

This morning, our 17 year old rat terrier did not want to eat her breakfast. A home cooked meal of brown rice, ground beef and broccoli goodness. Casey has been spending more and more time sleeping in her crate, her favorite spot in the house--the warm kitchen. Our daily walks have been getting shorter and shorter. In human years, she is 119.

My daughter, a spirited 3 year old toddler that she is, wanted to chase her "sister" down for a hug. Casey wanted none of it. How do you explain to a 3 year old her "sister" is at the tail end of her golden years? Kayman loves her "sisters". We've talked about death in general terms, as both of her grandmothers died before she was born. We've chatted about dead snails and slugs we've seen on sidewalks after a rainstorm. We've never had the opportunity to discuss it as it is happening, until now.

As I am putting finishing touches on a new workbook for parents to explain pet loss to their kids, I realize I will get to be my own focus/test group by using it with my daughter Kayman.

Below are some of the things I will be discussing with Kayman.
-Write down what are some of Casey's favorite things to do, foods to eat, funny expressions of love.
-Draw pictures of Casey with her family.
-Write down "feelings" Kayman has around death.
-Explain what happens when an animal dies. They stop breathing. Their fur/coat is cold. They look like they are asleep but they are not going to wake up this time.
-Plan a good bye part for Casey.

I feel the gifts and the blessings of being able to share this with Kayman. And the gifts of this upcoming book with all of you.

Love at first sight--What do you remember about the day you met your animal companion?

I recall the day I first met Sophie. I woke up one morning deciding it was the day I was going to get a dog. I had never had a dog but have always wanted one. I really had no idea where I was going to look. I felt guided that this was going to be THE day. My compass was a list of animal shelters in the Los Angeles area. Starting from the beach area, I made my way through shelters from the west and headed east. I made many four-legged friends that day. But none spoke to me like she did.

There are some who say that we don’t pick our animal companions. They pick us. This was the case of Sophie. It was in the afternoon when I found myself in East Los Angeles.
The last stop of the day, I did not know what I was looking for. She was a ball of white fur on the docket for euthanasia based on her mixed pit race. Sitting at the end of the kennel, she walked towards me and peered up with dark solemn eyes. Then she leaned in, her fur pressing against the chain link. A soul of goodness who somehow ended on the wrong side of the tracks. These are the details of our first meeting. It was love at first sight.

What do you remember about the day you met your loyal animal companion?

RE:the pug attack a la superbowl---could that be your dog?

I did not watch the superbowls yesterday, but a friend turned me onto some of the ads he enjoyed. One in particular stayed with me was Doritos's Pug Attack. Determination, fearlessness, resilience, loyalty (to the Doritos in this case), focused are some words that comes to mind in describing the pug. It could easily be shifted to any other situation between animal companion and caregiver.

Our animal companions are loyal. How many times have we walked down a street to see a pooch faithfully waiting outside for its caregiver and friend?
They are fearless. While on a walk with 17 year old Casey this morning, she was not buying the looks of a german shepherd across the walk and decided to give her a piece of her mind. Mind you, she could have easily walked under his legs without skooching down.
They are resilient. Ask my border collie Lulu, who likes to bury certain treats and bones in the backyard. Later, she is happy to spend an exponentially longer time looking for them.

The same could be said when they are under stress or in time of illness. Our animal companions are amazing souls who always rise to the occasion. In my playbook, they win every game, always giving it their best, without complaining. Even as they come into their senior years, and eventually, their own transition. They are loving, strong, compassion and ACCEPTING.

What can we learn from this commercial? The strengths of the above mentioned? If you have a senior pet, what can you do to assist them in keeping experiencing anticipatory grief ? Apply the same loving, compassion and kindness to yourself as you have done for them. What else? Would love to hear from owners with senior pets on this topic.

Here is a link to the superbowl ad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5YrxeskZt0

hard time walking this afternoon

Maybe my imagination running wild, but my beloved 17 year old family member (or 119 to be exact in people years) had a hard time finishing the last part of her walk today. good news that her sniffers are still intact and she LOVED smelling all of the flowers starting to be in bloom. :) I recognized today also that my 3 year old probably won't get many more walks with her "sister" (as we so fondly refers to all siblings in this household) and training for her 6 year old "border collie mix sister" will have to happen soon to curtail the pulling to balance out the tug o war between a 30 lb toddler and a 45 lb hunk of love. THANK YOU spirit for allowing me to hold this space, to continuing to walk my talk, to be able to serve and hold and pray and be human in my journey. :) with so much gratitude for this and SO MUCH MORE, ;) me. I am GRATEFUL for all the tools I hold as a grief counselor! It does come in handy. And I love that I practice what I preach. Love to everyone and their four legged family member!!!

A symbol of light shined into the world...

"May this candle be a symbol of the light your loved one shined into the world and into your life..."
Even in my work as a grief counselor, I find myself walking through darkness at moments in my own life. I find myself in the ebb and flow of loss. I am grateful that I can allow the emotions to come forward and through me. I can be in it, but not off it. Tonight, I find myself looking into the memory bank, yearning for the moment of what once was. To hold, to snuggle, smell, touch, feel. I will instead, light a candle in loving memory. Yes, walking the walk of the talk....it is affirming and yet humbling. This is my path. I come back to it time and time again to integrate it into my life force once more. And I thank spirit for this breathe of bittersweet.
In such loving gratitude tonight,
Claire

Hopes and dreams in grief

In our darkest hours, dreams and hopes may be the farthest things from our minds. Yet, they can also serve as our heartstrings, our conduit in journeying through our grief to the other side. Hope is the wheel of momentum that keeps us moving forward. Dreams are what we hold close to our hearts.

Just for today, can you allow yourself to feel whatever you may be feeling, sadness, depression, heartache, loneliness, AND have hope in your heart that this WILL pass. It WILL pass with the work you are committed to doing in moving through the grief. By sharing your thoughts, talking and reaching out to loved ones for support, writing down feelings and emotions, getting it out and through you so that it does not weigh you down like a lead weight/sinker at the end of a fishing line and BECOME you, these positive action steps brings you closer to hopefulness.

walking the talk- anticipatory loss

Grief is a natural part of my work everyday. As a grief counselor, I assist those journeying through grief to the other side on a daily basis. But even I, am not immune to grief itself. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be a part of an fundraising event benefiting a pet charity. Casey, my much loved rat terrier made the journey with me. Nestling into her bed in the backseat, it seemed like yesterday that I first rescued her from San Francisco. This month marks our 11th year together, her 17th on this earthly plane. She had a harder time climbing up into the back seat, her cloudy eyes looking out as we journeyed from Venice towards downtown LA. She has been slowing down this past year..naturally given she is 119 in human years. Yet, yesterday, it really hit me. My very social butterfly did her tour of "sniffing butts" and making friends, but for most part, she was more comfortable sleeping on her bed behind the booth, anchoring the event with her presence.

Given the theme was "wine and dogs" with wine tastings, the mood was celebratory. Pet loss was not a topic most pet lovers wanted to think about. We had our pet loss products and services available, along with some of Luxepet's luxeblessing charms. The St. Francis Pet Tags to protect your pets in particular was a big hit. Most that stopped by all knew someone who had recently lost a pet. Others had senior pets of their own and were not ready to think of that day that was approaching.

That day that was approaching.

It was yesterday that I came to terms that this would probably be the year for Casey to wind down and make her way towards rainbow bridge. In the past month, she's let us know she wanted to be carried for the latter part of her walks with her border collie sister, Lulu. The time spent sleeping during the day, or sunning herself in the yard as I work has increased while her appetite has been decreasing. She still loves the homecooked meals served daily, and for the first time, she lets Lulu finish her meal for her.

As I put the finishing touches on my pet loss book for children, I wonder if my first reading will be to my 3 year old, Kayman.
Wells of emotions came forward last night as I wrote about non-judgment and guilt surrounding pet loss. Tears of anticipatory loss. I re-read what I had written and advice given to clients. This morning, I am following my own advice. I acknowledge my feelings and allow myself to be with the pain. Practicing what I preach. I recognize my own humanity, vulnerability. I am grateful to be present in my emotions. This is part of my strength, not a weakness, as I have shared with clients.