hard time walking this afternoon

Maybe my imagination running wild, but my beloved 17 year old family member (or 119 to be exact in people years) had a hard time finishing the last part of her walk today. good news that her sniffers are still intact and she LOVED smelling all of the flowers starting to be in bloom. :) I recognized today also that my 3 year old probably won't get many more walks with her "sister" (as we so fondly refers to all siblings in this household) and training for her 6 year old "border collie mix sister" will have to happen soon to curtail the pulling to balance out the tug o war between a 30 lb toddler and a 45 lb hunk of love. THANK YOU spirit for allowing me to hold this space, to continuing to walk my talk, to be able to serve and hold and pray and be human in my journey. :) with so much gratitude for this and SO MUCH MORE, ;) me. I am GRATEFUL for all the tools I hold as a grief counselor! It does come in handy. And I love that I practice what I preach. Love to everyone and their four legged family member!!!

A symbol of light shined into the world...

"May this candle be a symbol of the light your loved one shined into the world and into your life..."
Even in my work as a grief counselor, I find myself walking through darkness at moments in my own life. I find myself in the ebb and flow of loss. I am grateful that I can allow the emotions to come forward and through me. I can be in it, but not off it. Tonight, I find myself looking into the memory bank, yearning for the moment of what once was. To hold, to snuggle, smell, touch, feel. I will instead, light a candle in loving memory. Yes, walking the walk of the talk....it is affirming and yet humbling. This is my path. I come back to it time and time again to integrate it into my life force once more. And I thank spirit for this breathe of bittersweet.
In such loving gratitude tonight,
Claire

Hopes and dreams in grief

In our darkest hours, dreams and hopes may be the farthest things from our minds. Yet, they can also serve as our heartstrings, our conduit in journeying through our grief to the other side. Hope is the wheel of momentum that keeps us moving forward. Dreams are what we hold close to our hearts.

Just for today, can you allow yourself to feel whatever you may be feeling, sadness, depression, heartache, loneliness, AND have hope in your heart that this WILL pass. It WILL pass with the work you are committed to doing in moving through the grief. By sharing your thoughts, talking and reaching out to loved ones for support, writing down feelings and emotions, getting it out and through you so that it does not weigh you down like a lead weight/sinker at the end of a fishing line and BECOME you, these positive action steps brings you closer to hopefulness.

walking the talk- anticipatory loss

Grief is a natural part of my work everyday. As a grief counselor, I assist those journeying through grief to the other side on a daily basis. But even I, am not immune to grief itself. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be a part of an fundraising event benefiting a pet charity. Casey, my much loved rat terrier made the journey with me. Nestling into her bed in the backseat, it seemed like yesterday that I first rescued her from San Francisco. This month marks our 11th year together, her 17th on this earthly plane. She had a harder time climbing up into the back seat, her cloudy eyes looking out as we journeyed from Venice towards downtown LA. She has been slowing down this past year..naturally given she is 119 in human years. Yet, yesterday, it really hit me. My very social butterfly did her tour of "sniffing butts" and making friends, but for most part, she was more comfortable sleeping on her bed behind the booth, anchoring the event with her presence.

Given the theme was "wine and dogs" with wine tastings, the mood was celebratory. Pet loss was not a topic most pet lovers wanted to think about. We had our pet loss products and services available, along with some of Luxepet's luxeblessing charms. The St. Francis Pet Tags to protect your pets in particular was a big hit. Most that stopped by all knew someone who had recently lost a pet. Others had senior pets of their own and were not ready to think of that day that was approaching.

That day that was approaching.

It was yesterday that I came to terms that this would probably be the year for Casey to wind down and make her way towards rainbow bridge. In the past month, she's let us know she wanted to be carried for the latter part of her walks with her border collie sister, Lulu. The time spent sleeping during the day, or sunning herself in the yard as I work has increased while her appetite has been decreasing. She still loves the homecooked meals served daily, and for the first time, she lets Lulu finish her meal for her.

As I put the finishing touches on my pet loss book for children, I wonder if my first reading will be to my 3 year old, Kayman.
Wells of emotions came forward last night as I wrote about non-judgment and guilt surrounding pet loss. Tears of anticipatory loss. I re-read what I had written and advice given to clients. This morning, I am following my own advice. I acknowledge my feelings and allow myself to be with the pain. Practicing what I preach. I recognize my own humanity, vulnerability. I am grateful to be present in my emotions. This is part of my strength, not a weakness, as I have shared with clients.